Friendship

I think this is going to be another one of those posts where I talk about something I talked about before, but bring it up again in full force. I hate being sentimental. I think I like to be sentimental in big gushy gushes so that I can get it out of my system and not deal with it.

As I mentioned before, sometimes, I feel like life is cruel. Not unfair, not unjust or anything of the sort, just cruel.

I remember, as a kid, that being separated from people meant not seeing relatives for a ocuple months, or for a select couple, a year. I still dreaded those times when I had to leave, not seeing my cousins, or I’ll admit not being able to see cool Hong Kong cartoons. My heart always sunk whenever I got on the plane and saw the land depart from my eyesight. I remember thinking, “plane, go down, go down!!!” Of course, the plane never did listen to me.

I’ve had relatively few experiences with friends leaving. I remember when one friend left in 7th grade. That was about it. And then came senior year of high school. I anticipated college, beceause I knew I should. But, for the first time, I knew my friends and I were going different ways. But I found comfort in the fact that we could always come back and catch up with each other. I find solace in the fact that we do actually keep in tocuh. Maybe not as often as I would like, but we do. And I know we will.

But shocks don’t end there I guess. Near the end of freshman year, I found myself missing the fact I wouldn’t live in a dorm in San Diego anymore without the fun that came with my suite. But I knew that I’d see them again.

And then I met international students. And suddenly I realized, these friends were friends that although I knew I wanted to see again, I wasn’t sure if I could. They lived thousands of miles away. It would cost a lot of money to see them. To some degree, I can put my worries to rest. I have seen them again, in their home countries, and they’re coming to visit me again sometime. But, after this next meeting, what about next time? I can’t just hop on an airplane when I feel like it. I’m becoming independent, I need to fend for my own costs.

And then, there’s my friends here. Not the ones from America here in Hong Kong. We’ll be in the US, we can see each other, even if it takes a while. But like my high school friends, I know we will meet again.

But what about my friends here who are from Korea, Japan? And importantly, what about my Hong Kong friends? It’s strange, exciting, and sad that I’ve gotten to know them so much better these past few weeks. It’s so much, but so late. In 10 days I’m going to be thousands of miles away from them too. We can send e-mail, chat online, all that good stuff. But I won’t be able to hear them scream down the hall, we can’t go out and eat and order the same things, we can’t share about our languages and different lifestyles. I know they’re sad I’m leaving. They want to know when I’ll be back. All I can say is, “I don’t know.” And if I can even come back, it won’t be the same. Sometimes I tell them to come visit me in the US, and I’ll show them what a traditional family Christmas is like. I don’t know, maybe 10 years from now… It seems like a long time, but is it really?

Graduation’s coming up. It’s time to brace for the inevitable again. And then if I go graduate school, same thing.

And, then there’s the end to end all ends. I’ve dealt with funerals, those were okay for me when I was little. I know that there’s nothing you can do about seeing them. You let them go, because you have to. “Time heals all wounds.” I don’t know how I’ll deal with them now if it’s someone I hold close. Time will tell, time will tell.

I guess, I am human, after all.

Counting Down

I’m almost done. Finals have begun, and I’m able to count the days until I have to leave the City of Life. You know, as I’ve mentioned before, I would be completely ready to leave if it weren’t for my floormates. They’ve made the experience, as I’ve said time and time again. They’ve taught me so much just by, well, living with me. I honestly thought they would never really like talking to me. After all, as much as I know some Cantonese, English is just easier. Funny, that things work out that they know I struggle to learn Cantonese, and that makes them using English to talk to me all the better.

I think just being immersed in another society makes you appreciate what your home lacks, and what you hope your home can do better.

Take America. It’s not perfect, but it does not deserve the constant berating that it gets, especially in the form that it comes in, which I always feel is devoid of hope whatsoever. Take racism, sexism, dealing with the poor. At least in America you have to engage these ideas. In other places, you never really have to talk about them because well, nobody else does. It “doesn’t exist” only because there aren’t any conditions for it to exist. And if they were, who knows what would happen.

And now, the bullet points:
-I think I can be too idealistic
-In life, you do what you can. And when you fail, you fail. It’s not always your fault.
-People, are in the end, people
-Silence sometimes says more than words
-The “Confucian” tradition of not disappointing your parents is actually true, and in full swing.
-America is not a paradise. Neither is Hong Kong and China isn’t going to be either.
-Go to China while it’s cheap. RMB appreciation means your USD isn’t going to buy you as much next time.
-Having people throw their bodies on you isn’t always flattering. The same is true when they’re drunk.
-It pays to work at having peace
-Don’t doubt the power of anything. The strangest things can break barriers between people.
-Bitterness is your loss.
-Smiles do wonders in the world. I think I like people telling me I look like I’m always smiling.

=D

Cut-throat

I just saw a super depressing movie.

And now, my floormates are dying. I can’t understand it. How can I have so much free time, taking “Year 3″ classes, while they’re freshmen and studying day in and day out for finals? I cannot be smarter, I don’t work harder, so what’s the deal?

One of them, his name’s William. It really hurts to watch him whine about how much he has to study, how he’s having a hard time laughing, just trying to smile…always saying “help me, help me!” in cantonese. He doesn’t want to disappointed his parents, he doesn’t want to defer, he just wants to pass, but he doesn’t know what to do.

Why’s it gotta be like this?

On Life

I was in the pantry of my hall the other day, and I stared out my window into the circular driveway below, and my heart sunk.

I don’t know why life has to do this. It throws you into uncomfortable situations, forcing you to adapt and make new friends. And you do. But then, it rips you from them and tosses you somewhere else.

I realized that that simple picture, the night view of dorm lights and that circular driveway, is destined to be nothing more than a memory within a few weeks time. Sure, I can come back, find some way back into my hall, and look through that window again. But it won’t be the same. It can never be.

I can let go of the fact I won’t see my EAP friends here for a while. I’m used to missing friends for months at a time. In truth, when I put aside my excitment with college, I ached to see my high school friends. I still do. Let’s put aside “masculinity” and say they’re dear to me, which apparently is strange to most people. I guess most people’s best friends are post-high school. But anyway, I’ve gotten used to it.

But not seeing good friends for a few years? That, well, is going to be a lot tougher. But I guess that’s the weakness of having friends far away. But, I can feel myself adjusting to that. It’s already begun.

There are simply some things that my Hong Kong friends have given me that no one else can. There’s a bond that seems to transcend verbal communication. We can’t explain to each other our deepest worries, thoughts, beliefs, and somehow that doesn’t matter. We just know and feel.

If there’s no other lesson one can learn from a foreigner who can’t speak your language perfectly, there’s this one: The beauty of simply listening to somebody besides yourself.

Life’s going to move on. Soon I’m going to graduate, and that will be something uncomfortable again. I’ll get used to it, and then I’ll have to jump into something else.

That’s not okay with me right now. But I will learn. I’ll have to. And I must be humble along the way.

I felt like listing things I’m going to miss about my Hong Kong experience. So, a top 10 of sorts, and not necessarily in order. But first, I would like to say 3 of my favorite events in general so far have been…

-Tetsuya showing me around Japan (with Laura, Andrew, etc.)
-Soon showing me around Korea
-chilling with Jen Chen and Daniel Ozeki in Japan

10. Going to the peak. Or Avenue of Stars
9.  Last minute decisions, like watching movies, etc.
8. Mahjonng.
7. Wandering around Hong Kong aimlessly.
6. Finding good food.
5. Watching Hong Kong movies
4. Dessert everywhere. Same goes for bakeries. And street food.
3. Being loud and obnoxious on the bus
2. Good public transportation
1. My floormates. These guys made my experience.

and many many more…

I have to talk about my floormates more, again. They’re so awesome.

No matter how far you go, you either fail completely, or you endure it to the end.